Molly Is Dead
by City of Lunatics
Summary: So one of my friends who I wrote Jolliarty with came over today and we started to write 3 more fics. Naturally they are just as crazy as Jolliarty as we were just as hyper. Haven't finished the first chapter of the other ones but hopefully they'll be up soon.


Molly is dead.

"AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHJHHHHH"

At the funeral.  
"I can't believe Molly would fall in front of a train. She isn't normally that careless!" John said to Sherlock.  
"Well..."  
"Well what?"  
"I wouldn't put it past her"  
"She's ditsy but she wouldn't fall in front of a train. You know that!"  
"Hmm. I suppose."  
"You seem vacant Sherlock. What's wrong?" Sherlock didn't hear John. John elbowed Sherlock.  
"Oi I said what's wrong?"  
"What did you do that for? I had almost solved one of the greatest puzzles in human history and you elbowed me and made me lose my train of thought. Now I have to start again."  
"I'm sorry." John said unapologetically. "I'm sure you can do it again later. Right now we are at Molly's funeral so stop and be sad." John figured this was the only way to get Sherlock to feel emotions.  
"Why?"  
"I don't want you shouting out that you've solved a stupid puzzle in the middle of a funeral. It's bad enough when you do it when we go out for lunch but at a funeral it isn't good at all."  
"Why?"  
"You are meant to be grieving Sherlock so get on with it."  
"Why? It's only Molly. While I'm busy grieving the rest of the world is waiting for the answer."  
"Only Mol- Sherlock she helped you survive! She was in love with you! It was obvious and you didn't even care! The rest of the world can wait! I don't care about the answer!" John was raising his voice now.  
"If you don't be quiet everyone will hear you. The world has been waiting for thousands of years, surely it's time to put them out of their misery."  
"I'm going out for a minute. I'll come back when the service starts." John stormed out.  
"Can I borrow your phone?"  
"No."  
"But it's really really important."  
"This is Molly's funeral. I will not let you have the phone right now." John hissed.  
"Yes but I need it now."  
"But nothing Sherlock."  
"When the rest of the world wants to know why I couldn't tell them the answer sooner, I'll tell them it's because you wouldn't lend me your phone." John just laughed.  
"I'll tell them it's all your fault. So there."  
"Marvellous."  
"I'll borrow someone else's then."  
"Go ahead."  
"Bye then."  
"Wait no Sherlock you can't actually..." John put his head in his hands as he saw Sherlock ask the funeral director for his phone.  
"Ha."  
"I don't know you."  
"Will you still say that when the world finds out what I've done?"  
"Yes. Because even more people will think of you as a freak and me as your boyfriend."  
"Didn't stop you before."  
"By the time I realised people thought of us as a couple, it was too late to change their minds." John muttered.  
"Whatever." The service started and John grabbed the phone off Sherlock.  
"It's not your phone so give it back."  
"It's not your phone either. If you want me to give them back you're going to have to make me." John immediately regretted saying this.  
"Fine. I will."  
"Oh god. No Sherlock, please no. Not now Sherlock."  
"Give it back then."  
"No I am never giving it back. As soon as we are done here I'm giving it back to the man you took it from."  
"I'll make you."  
"Threaten me all you like Sherlock..."  
"I was just giving you the chance to say no. I know you don't like it when people turn round and look at you and if I make you give it me back, that's what people will do."  
"No they will be looking at you!"  
"You're sitting next to me so they will look at you as well and I don't mind."  
"That's because people look at you all the time. Remember before meeting you I had a normal life. And anyway their attention will be focused on you."  
"Exactly. I'm used to it, you're not so you're the one who will get embarrassed."  
"Sherlock don't you dare start anything here. I will never ever forgive you."  
"Give me the phone." John shoved it in his inside coat pocket. Sherlock poked him. John pushed his hand away. Sherlock poked him again. John ignored him. Sherlock kept poking him.  
"Sherlock stop that right now!" John said through gritted teeth. Sherlock continued to poke him. The corner of John's mouth started to twitch. Sherlock poked him harder. John bit his lip to stop himself smiling. Sherlock smiled and kept poking him.  
"Don't smile like that."  
"I'm not doing anything."  
"Humph." Sherlock poked him. John bit his knuckles. Sherlock poked him more. A giggle came out of John's mouth.  
"Give it to me. Now." John moved further up the pew, away from Sherlock. Sherlock moved up.  
"I am not giving you the phone. It is rude."  
"You're the one laughing in a funeral service."  
"You're the one poking me and wanting to play on a stupid phone."  
"Yes but I don't care about that stuff. You do."  
"Shut up." John said annoyed that he couldn't think of a better comeback.  
"Just give me the phone."  
"I'll throw this dratted phone out the window in a minute."  
"I'm sure the funeral director will be very happy that you threw his phone, which happens to be a present from his best friend, out the window."  
"I'd be happy to buy him another one if it meant you couldn't use a phone. Look Sally is looking at you and she doesn't look happy."  
"A present from you is not going to make up for throwing his best friend who he hasn't seen for 20 years' phone out the window."  
"I don't want to know how you worked that out. You're going off the point."  
"The point is I need that phone and I need it now."  
"Well I need you to shut up and I need you to be polite."  
"That doesn't even make sense."  
"Yes it doe-You're doing it again!"  
"What?"  
"Going off the point. Ugh you've managed to get me off the point. Go over there." John pointed to the end of the pew.  
"Not until I get that phone."  
"You're not getting the phone until the end of the service." Anderson and Donovan were now staring at them.  
"I will just keep bothering you then."  
"I manage to ignore you all the time." Sherlock poked him. John flicked Sherlock. Sherlock poked him harder. John suppressed a giggle. Sherlock poked him again. And again. John was finding it hard not to make a noise and was going red. Sherlock tickled him. John bent over trying very very hard to not let his laughter escape. Sherlock put his hand into his pocket and grabbed the phone. He moved to the other end of the pew and started texting people. John recovered and sidled up to Sherlock slowly. He pulled the phone out of Sherlock's hands and put it in his trouser pocket this time. Sherlock concentrated on the service. John smiled thinking he had succeeded. How wrong he was. When the vicar was saying something particularly boring, Sherlock pick pocketed him and put his feet on the seat so John couldn't move any closer. John tried to grab it off him. Sherlock pushed his hand away and rested his feet on John. The sound was on.  
"Sherlock you've got the sound on!"  
"So? It's not like anything more interesting is happening."  
"Listen to the service. Now."  
"New high score!" John smacked a hand against Sherlock's mouth.  
"Go away."  
"Shut up." Suddenly a microphone turned on and Jim's voice was heard all over the church.  
"Testing testing 1-2-3." Sherlock stood up.  
"HI JIM!"  
"HI! Haven't seen you for a while."  
"You haven't given me any puzzles." Sherlock pouted.  
"I know. I was planning on blowing some secret government building soon. If you like, I'll give you a puzzle to go with it."  
"No please don't blow up a secret government building!" Mycroft protested.  
"Shut up Mycroft."  
"Don't blow up anything!" John butted in.  
"Ha. As if I'd listen to you. By the way, you're all going to die."  
"I don't see any snipers. Anyway you're in the building so if you blow it up you'll die as well." John said proud that he had noticed this.  
"I'm not going to blow you up DOOFUS. I going to shoot you. My snipers have been here for the whole time." John turned around and saw a gun pointing at his face. He pulled his own gun out and put it at the snipers head.  
"Hello Seb. Haven't seen you for a while."  
"I know. It must be 6 months at least." They started having a friendly chat.  
"Hang on a minute Jim. I'm just trying to get a new high-score." Sherlock finished his game of angry birds.  
"Take all the time you need. I'm in no hurry."  
"Good because I know you killed Molly and I'm sure some people, basically John, would like to rant at you for that." Sherlock tossed the phone to the funeral director.  
"Yeah, how boring."  
"So what am I supposed to be doing again?"  
"Ummm... Dying I think."  
"Why would I want to do that? That would be so boring!"  
"I know but I'm getting tired of you ruining my plans. It's just not helpful."  
"Well if you don't want me to ruin your plans stop texting me telling me where to find you or telling what you're up to." Sherlock walked up to the coffin and opened the lid where Jim was lying.  
"I could hear you talking into the microphone. It was like an annoying echo." Jim opened the trap door he had installed and climbed down the ladder. Sherlock started inspecting the cleverly hidden trap door. He followed Jim down.


End file.
